


The Secrets We Keep

by LVB



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Drama, F/M, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 17:44:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LVB/pseuds/LVB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back briefly in Coruscant during the Clone Wars, Anakin notices his wife is acting strangely. What is Padmè hiding? This story contains mentions of abortion. Written pre-RotS. Slight AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Star Wars belongs to GL and LucasFilm Ltd. All rights reserved.
> 
> A/N: I originally wrote this about eleven years ago. I was 18 years old and had just fallen in love with Star Wars. I was young and naive and this shows in my writing. I barely even recognise that 18 year old and the way I feel about my writing eleven years on is a testament to how much I've changed as a person and as a writer. I thought about taking this down, but I've decided to leave it up. It has been edited so it is the full 12 chapters instead of just all in one document. That was lazy. This concept, execution and characterisation is lazy. But here it is, in 2015 for your perusal.

Ch 1: Back on Coruscant

Five days, Anakin Skywalker thought to himself. Coming close to the landing platform on Coruscant, Anakin felt relieved that he had been able to take this break. Granted, it was only five days long, but five days was certainly better than nothing. The most important thing was that he got to spend those five days with his beautiful wife – whom he had not seen for at least a month.

The thought of Padmè had nearly literally kept him going since the Clone Wars had begun a little under three years ago. Every night he spent away from Coruscant…away from her, was spent in a small military bunker, thinking of her. He had kept a small holo hidden away in the tiny cracks that he had memorised around his sleeping quarters. Countless times he had fallen asleep to the image of her beautiful face only to have her dance upon his dreams. The thought of her was…intoxicating. Smiling, and remembering his words to Obi-Wan what seemed a lifetime ago, he knew the feeling was about to be multiplied.

Casually piloting the ship onto the landing platform, Anakin could barely contain his excitement. Four days ago he had sent a message to his wife telling her of his imminent arrival. Unfortunately, he had received no reply. He had put it down to bad timing and the need to keep their relationship secret, but as he glanced out onto the platform, he began to worry.

Where was she?

Running through the recent memory in his mind, he distinctly recalled dialling into the right address to send the Holo. He had been vigilant and sent it to her private quarters rather than through her Coruscant office. He had seen the acceptance signal, yet there seemed to be no sign of her.

Maybe she hasn’t checked her messages. But for four days? What is she doing?

Stepping out of the ship, Anakin surveyed the area. The platform had become very familiar to him over the past three years. Many times he had landed on this exact platform and had been welcomed by the sight of Padmè Amidala. Of course, many a time members of the Jedi Council had accompanied her; forcing them to put on their official ‘Jedi’ and ‘Senator’ titles. And the times she couldn’t make it to Coruscant, she would always greet him back at Naboo, at their secret meeting place.

The lake hideaway.

But not this time.

She wasn’t here and he was certain she wasn’t on Naboo. He knew for a fact she had official Senatorial business on Coruscant to attend to and she had been here for at least a week. She should have received the message.

“Anakin.” Turning at the sound of his name, he was disappointed to find Master Windu approaching him. “Welcome home, Jedi Skywalker.”

Nodding and delivering a small bow as a sign of respect, Anakin replied “Thank you.”

“I cannot stay long, Anakin. I just came past to welcome you back to Coruscant. I expect you will enjoy your five days away?”

“I’m sure I will, Master. And thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to come down here.”

Simply nodding in response, Mace Windu continued on his way back to the Jedi Temple. Surveying the area one last time, Anakin sighed. Padmè wasn’t here.

But he was definitely going to find out why.

 


	2. Good morning senator!

Groaning, Padmè Amidala turned in her bed. Once again, it had been a long night. For the past week, she had been experiencing a terrible bout of sickness. Since arriving on Coruscant nearly nine days ago, the sickness had struck her light a bolt of lightning. One moment she had been fine and the next she was rushing to the nearest ‘fresher. Reluctantly she had taken an official absence from her Senatorial duties in favour of some much-needed bed rest.

 

Calling in a favour from the Queen of Naboo, Padmè had asked for at least one handmaiden to assist her, having released them from their duties two years ago. Fortunately, the Queen had understood and sent Dorme within two days. She had been of great help the past week, attending to Padmè while she lay sick in bed. Grateful, Padmè had let Dorme have the day off today.

 

_Now why would I do such a stupid thing?_

 

Groaning again, she managed to sit upright. Padmè briefly remembered having caught this sickness before, when she was Queen. The royal doctor had told her it had been because of stress. In retrospect, he had been correct. The symptoms were similar to what she had now. These past few months had been particularly stressful. With the Clone Wars still raging on with no end in sight and the various Senatorial duties she had, combined with the fact she was seeing her husband less and less had probably just become too much for her body to handle.

 

 _Of course, that must be it_ , she thought to herself. _Within a few days, I’ll be fine._

 

Slowly, she managed to put herself in a standing position. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes. Taking in the décor of her private apartment, she smiled. It seemed this morning she was feeling better – much better.

 

Padmè walked over to the large window her bedroom featured. Drawing back the curtains she took in the view that was Coruscant – the city planet, centre of the Republic. She looked in awe over the busy city which was home to billions of people. And suddenly, she felt that familiar nausea. Making a quick dash towards the refresher, Padmè sighed again. Apparently fate had other ideas for her well-being this morning.

 

After having a quick shower, Padmè put on a fresh nightgown. She was sure she wasn’t going anywhere today and didn’t feel the need to get dressed up in her own quarters. Casually throwing on the dark blue nightrobe that was lying on the chair next to her bed, she closed her eyes. This had been the nightrobe she had worn on Naboo, when Anakin had accompanied her home. She had fond memories of that trip to Naboo, frolicking in the meadows so carefree.

 

_Why can’t life always be like that?_

 

Finally, she managed to make her way into the kitchen. After a week of throwing up and feeling sick, she was determined to kick-start her appetite again. And this morning, Padmè had a feeling she could be in luck. The familiar hungry growls had been coming from her stomach all morning. Opening the cupboard, she noticed that the plates had carelessly been stacked. One fell to the tiled floor, shattering. _Oh no, not today_.

 

Bending down to pick up the pieces, Padmè heard a faint shuffle in the doorway. Silently cussing, she quietly opened the drawer closest to her, feeling extremely lucky that just happened to be where her emergency blaster was. Placing it firmly into both hands, she stood up, willing to face the intruder that had broken into her home. Her heart raced as she tip-toed her way to the entrance of the hallway. Taking a deep breath in preparation she raised her blaster.

 

Suddenly, a voice spoke from behind her.

 

“Padmè Skywalker, isn’t it rather late to be lounging around the apartment in your underthings?”

 


	3. Reunited

 

Turning around to face her husband, Padmè’s face lit up.

 

“Anakin!”

 

“Padmè...”

 

Anakin laughed as Padmè dropped her blaster and came running towards him. Sweeping her up in a bear hug, he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

 

“Ani, I had no idea you were coming! Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Anakin frowned slightly.

 

“Padmè, I did. Four days ago I transmitted a Holo here. The signal read that it was accepted so I just assumed you had gotten it.”

 

Padmè shook her head.

 

“No, I didn’t….oh wait. Dorme must have set it to auto receive. I’m so sorry, Ani!” she replied, the feeling of guilt tinged on her voice.

 

_At least she didn’t forget or purposely didn’t show up._

 

“Wait a minute, Dorme? What’s she doing here?” Anakin asked, confusion written all over his face.

 

Padmè cursed silently. She hadn’t wanted Anakin to find out about her state of health. But now that he was actually here, she had to tell him.

 

Leading her husband to the couch in the living room, she motioned for him to sit down. The couple sat facing each other.

 

“I didn’t want to tell you this because I didn’t want you worrying about me” Padmè started.

 

Anakin immediately tensed up.

 

_Something’s wrong with my angel?!_

 

Noticing the alarmed look on her husband’s face, Padmè continued.

 

“I’ve been a little sick for the past week or so. But honestly, it’s nothing to worry about, Ani. It’s just from stress, that’s all.” She was obviously trying to sugar-coat the severity of her sickness.

 

The worried look did not disappear from Anakin’s face.

 

“Just from stress Padmè?! You’re never sick!”

 

By this time, he had stood up. He began to pace, showing his obvious concern for his wife.

 

Padmè sighed, this was exactly the reason she hadn’t wanted him to know. He was obviously blowing things out of proportion.

 

“I want you to go see a doctor.” Anakin stated.

 

“No, Anakin. That isn’t necessary! Look, I’ve taken my leave from the Senate and…”

 

Anakin stopped in his tracks and interrupted her.

 

“Padmè, don’t you see! You took leave from the Senate – how unlike you is that?! You need to see a doctor!” Suddenly, Padmè felt a little frightened.

 

She had seen Anakin angry before. She had even seen him be angry with concern for her – but never to this degree. The look in his eyes was…wild. She could see the anger and the concern clearly in his eyes. His blue eyes pierced into hers and pleaded.

 

 

_Please, Padmè._

 

 

“Alright, Anakin,” she whispered in defeat.

 

“I’ll go see the doctor. Today if possible,” Padmè continued.

 

 

Anakin strode over to her, embraced her, and held her closely. His hug was tighter than usual but Padmè assumed it was just anxiety.

 

“Thank you, angel.” He began to stroke her hair, slowly. She wasn’t even sure he knew he was doing it.

 

“I’d blame myself if anything happened to you.” He whispered.

 

Padmè simply buried her face into her husband’s arms.  


	4. Playing the waiting game

 

Finally, Padmè found herself at the doctor’s office. The morning’s confrontation with Anakin had managed to scare her enough into coming.

 

 _He’s right_ , a little voice inside her head said. Padmè never thought to take care of herself and now, this was the result.

 

The doctor she had seen was not her usual one, but he had been kind. She even felt slightly guilty for making him sign a confidentiality agreement. Of course, it was in her best interests. She would have gone to a medical droid if it had been her choice, but Anakin had referred to the kind, elderly doctor.

 

She had already had her examination. He had left no stone unturned regarding her health – to the point of embarrassment for the young Senator. Luckily for her, the office was fairly empty so not only did she have a certain degree of privacy, the available droids were all working on her test results.

 

_Thank the Force for the small graces._

 

She looked around the office. It was nice enough – simple. She looked around the empty waiting area. She had come here alone – without Anakin. Of course, that was a necessity since their relationship was a secret. And what about a Jedi accompanying a Senator to a doctor’s appointment? That in itself would nearly give it away.

 

_Force, I missed him._

 

A thick voice interrupted her thoughts.

 

“Senator Amidala,” the doctor started.

 

Looking up, she met the eyes of the kind doctor.

 

“Would you like to come back in? It should only take a moment.”

 

Standing, she felt her heart begin to race. If it was something he could tell her right here and right now, surely it wasn’t too bad? Bracing herself, she followed him into his room. Closing the door behind her, she slightly dropped her Senator façade. She sat down in the chair he motioned to.

 

“So, doctor…”

 

The doctor smiled slightly.

 

“Senator Amidala, I can tell you are anxious to find out the results from the tests. I’ll get to the point as quickly as I can.”

 

She relaxed a little. The doctor noticed her demeanour and continued.

 

“Your earlier suspicions were correct, Senator. The sickness you’ve been experiencing has been a rather harsh side effect of the insurmountable amount of stress you’ve been under.”

 

_I knew it!_

 

“Now, Senator, I understand the situation you’re in at the moment, with the Clone Wars, but I have put forward a recommendation that you take a significant amount of time away from the Senate. You have been granted an extra two weeks leave.”

 

Padmè sighed in relief. It had been stress after all.

 

“But…”

 

_But?_

 

“There’s something else I found in your blood sample, Senator. Tell me, have you thrown up in the mornings before this past week of ‘stress sickness’?”

 

_Where was he going with this?_

 

 

“Yes, come to think of it I have. But I took no notice of it, to tell you the truth. I thought it was just the preliminary symptom of my stress.”

 

She frowned.

 

 

The doctor took a deep breath. “There is no easy way to say this, Senator. You’re pregnant.”


	5. Realisations

 

Padmè had walked out of the office in a daze.

 

_Pregnant._

 

Senator Amidala was pregnant.

 

The doctor had assured her of his secrecy, and for that she was thankful. He had asked no questions and probably had no idea who the father was. She was definitely relieved.

 

She unconsciously stroked her stomach. The results the doctor had given her to take home told her she was just about a month along. That meant that this had happened the last time that Anakin visited her.

 

_The conception of our child._

 

It was then that the fact sunk in. She was going to have a baby. She and Anakin were going to have a baby! A smile spread across her face as she absentmindedly began to walk back towards her apartment.

 

The shock quickly faded into happiness. She had always dreamt of having a family of her own. With the child, their family would now be complete. The Skywalkers!

 

As she reached the door to her apartment, she thought about her husband sitting inside. He would still be worried sick. She couldn’t wait to tell him the news. And at that moment, a thought dawned on her. _How would Anakin react to this new_ s? Although they had been married, the topic of children had never come to pass.

 

Anakin was a Jedi Knight. As sworn to her duties as she was, Padmè knew it was always acceptable for a politician to leave and raise a family. But a Jedi? Romantic attachment was forbidden – let alone having children!

 

She had been living a lie for two years, hiding her relationship with Anakin. But for a family of her own - the chance to be normal. She would walk right up to the Chancellor himself and inform him of her name change for that chance. But it wasn’t just her in this marriage – she had to think about what Anakin wanted.

 

And Anakin was a Jedi. He couldn’t possibly have children.

 

He couldn’t possibly _want_ children.

 

And in that moment of happiness, sadness and despair managed to take hold of Padmè Skywalker.

 

_I can’t keep this baby._

 

The thought terrified her but as she heard Anakin’s footsteps come to the door, she had to push those thoughts out of her mind.

 

_Anakin can’t know of this._

 

She shoved half of the results the doctor had given her into the folds of her gown just as her husband opened the door.  


	6. Screaming on the inside

 

“So basically, I was right. The stress got to be a little too much for my body to handle. The doctor has made me take more official leave from the Senate. I’ve got two weeks off. Which I will gladly be taking.”

 

Anakin looked down at the proof his wife had provided for him. There it was, in black and white. The doctor himself had said she would be fine and that she just needed a timeout. Yet something didn’t quite add up. A gut feeling told him that there was something his wife wasn’t telling him.

 

He looked at Padmè, who had changed back into her more casual clothes. There was something different about her. Although she appeared to be fine, his connection to the Force and to her, made him think differently. She could put on her act as she had been trained – she was a politician!

 

But something was hurting her. Inside she was screaming. Anakin decided not to push it.

 

“I’m just glad you’ll be alright Padmè. I was really worried.” He swept her up in a hug and began to softly kiss her. He had missed this. “I don’t know what I would have done if something was seriously wrong,” he murmured into her lips.

 

 _Please stop_ , Padmè silently pleaded.

 

He began to deepen the kiss. It was passionate and longing; the kiss of a husband who had been separated from his wife for too long. Despite the sadness she was trying to hold inside of her, Padmè responded. She had missed him too. She just wanted to enjoy this moment with her husband, without thinking of the pain and the sorrow she would have to hide from him.

 

“How many days do you have on Coruscant?” she asked her husband.

 

“Five days,” he replied. “But I have to stay here on Coruscant.”

 

“That’s fine. I can organise to return to Naboo after your five days are up. I’ll tie up some loose ends, so to speak. At least we can keep to ourselves for these five days. No interruptions.”

 

Anakin grinned.

 

“Well, I can think of how we could spend that time.”

 

They began to kiss again.

 

Suddenly, Anakin’s hand felt drawn to Padmè’s stomach. He gently placed it on her stomach and let it rest there only for a second.

 

Padmè gasped and stepped back. From the look on her face, Anakin could have sworn she had just seen a ghost.

 

“Padmè?” he asked hurriedly.

 

She placed her hand over her mouth then made a quick dash to the refresher. Anakin raced after her and arrived just as she had finished.

 

“Angel, are you sure you’re alright?”

 

Padmè looked at her husband. He stood there with a look of wildfire in his eyes.

 

She knew he could sense her inner pain and confusion. Yet he kept silent – for now.

 

“I’ll be fine, Ani. I’ll be fine.”


	7. Acting strangely

 

Anakin had only been back on Coruscant for two days. It was around this time he really began to notice how strangely his wife had been acting. Ever since she had returned from the doctor’s office, there was something different about her. He could tell she was trying to act like there was nothing wrong, but he could sense it.

 

She was unhappy and confused about something.

 

He knew for a fact that it wasn’t him, he had used the Force to make sure of that. He felt slightly guilty about doing it, but respected her privacy enough not to probe any further. He had noticed the disappearance of some of her symptoms since he had returned, which was good news.

 

It seemed her time off combined with his presence was already reducing the physical toll the stress took on her small body. Unfortunately for Padmè, the constant stomach sickness had not faded away. Many times during the past two days he had followed her into the refresher to hold her hair back for her.

 

One time she had collapsed. But there was nothing he could do about it – he had the doctor’s orders. Bed rest was what she needed and luckily for her, that’s all Anakin had wanted to do.

 

Tomorrow he had to unfortunately attend to some pesky Jedi business so he wanted to spend the day with Padmè. They had been lucky because this morning, it looked like her sickness had nearly subsided.

 

She hadn’t thrown up all day and was slowly getting into better spirits. As he opened the door to her apartment he grinned as her saw Padmè’s nightrobe draped across her living room couch. He began to loosen his clothing as he made his way to her bedroom…their bedroom.

 

He walked in to see a sleeping Padmè. She was still in her nightgown but had fallen asleep on top of the covers. He gently laid down next to her and began to stroke her bare skin. He remembered doing this before they were married…before she had admitted she loved him. She had kissed him for the first time after doing this.

 

Now he could do it as he pleased – she was his wife now. Padmè stirred in her sleep. “Ani, you’re back.”

 

“Yes, angel.”

 

He gently pulled her towards him and began to kiss her. As his kiss deepened, his hands began to roam. Padmè suddenly pulled away.

 

 

_Not now. Not with the baby._

 

 

“I’m sorry, Anakin. I can’t do this.” She hurriedly spoke, getting off the bed.

 

He was confused.

 

“I thought you were feeling better?”

 

She shook her head.

 

“I just don’t feel up to it right now, Anakin.”

 

With that, she left the room.

 

For the first time since their marriage, Padmè had outright refused Anakin. Feeling slightly rejected, Anakin stood up and fixed his clothing. He would leave her alone for now. But soon they were going to have a very long discussion.  


	8. Terrible decisions

 

Padmè had felt terrible about before. She had left the room, not wanting to confront her husband and made some poor excuse about needing to take a bath. Anakin had understood and had left her. He had gone back to the Jedi temple.

 

Now, Padmè sat in the middle of her refresher. The floor was cold and hard. Her nightgown gathered around her ankles. In her hand she had the results the doctor had given her. She had in her hands the proof that the child of Padmè and Anakin Skywalker actually existed. How precious this was – and how surprising too. By all accounts this child was not allowed to exist; bound by its parent’s commitments. Yet, there it was. It was a child created out of love and not obligation.

 

The child she carried was truly a miracle.

 

_Then why is it so wrong to want it?_

 

Padmè felt the first tears well up in her eyes. It was in this moment, sitting alone on the floor, she allowed herself to cry.

 

She couldn’t selfishly keep this child, could she? Her hands stroked her flat stomach. Soon, there would be a large bump. She already loved this life that was in her. But she knew she couldn’t – it could ruin everything.

 

The main problem she faced was Anakin.

 

Anakin Skywalker – The Chosen One. Jedi Knight.

 

There wasn’t anything about Anakin being a father there. Being a husband was bad enough. He wouldn’t want this child. She knew how much he wanted to become a great Jedi. This child – this permanent responsibility would rob him of that.

 

It would get him expelled from the Jedi Order. It was one thing to hide a relationship but to hide a child?

 

Not only that, he would resent her for it. He would resent her for forcing him to make such a decision. No, she couldn’t do it.

 

Anakin would not know about the child. _Ever._

 

Her heart grew heavy with the realisation of what she had to do. She couldn’t hide her pregnancy from him much longer. And she certainly wouldn’t be able to carry the baby to full term and give it up for adoption.

 

It would have to be destroyed.

 

She immediately began to break out into hysterical sobs. It. Her child. Her baby. Picking up the file, she frantically began to look through the statistical information. It. Her baby had a gender – it was alive. After a few seconds of reading, she admitted defeat.

 

In a way, she was glad it had been too early to tell the gender. Just that little fact could nearly keep her from remembering that whatever was inside of her wasn’t alive yet. It was still so small and insignificant. It could easily be destroyed.

 

Her sobs began to soften a little. She knew what she had to do now. Picking up her commlink, she connected to the number shown on her file.

 

There. It was done.

 

She sighed and stashed the file away in its hiding spot. Anakin rarely went through her stuff in the refresher. ‘Too girly”, he had said.

 

She stood up and made her way to her bed. She began to softly cry herself to sleep.  


	9. What’s wrong, Padmè?

 

Anakin had quietly re-entered Padmè’s apartment. He had spent most of the day attending to Jedi business so he could at least spend some time with his wife tomorrow. It had been a long day. He could sense through the Force that Padmè was asleep in their room. He could tell it was a light, restless sleep.

 

He removed his cape and left it next to where her nightrobe was. He removed his shoes and took of his belt. Entering their room, he took in the sight before him. Coming home to his wife. His heart began to race and he smiled.

 

He carefully positioned himself on the bed as not to wake her. She stirred.

 

“Ani?”

 

“Sorry, Padmè. I didn’t want to wake you.” He kissed her shoulder.

 

Turning around to face him, he noticed her tear stained face. Seeing the look on Anakin’s face just made her start again. The tears began to trickle down her face.

 

“Padmè, angel. Tell me, what’s wrong?” He stroked her face.

 

_I can’t, Ani._

 

“I just…I guess the stress has really gotten to me you know.”

 

Not a complete lie.

 

“The war keeps raging on. We might be fighting a losing battle – the Jedi are going fast.”

 

Anakin simply nodded.

 

“And I’m afraid I might lose you, Ani. I’m afraid of the day you won’t come back to me.”

 

Also not a lie.

 

She began to sob. All Anakin could do was hold her.

 

“Padmè, you know I will come back to you. Each and every time. I love you, angel. Some pesky war isn’t going to keep me from you. Nothing will.”

 

She just continued to cry into his chest.

 

And he let her cry.

 

 _So this was it_ , he thought to himself. _She was worried about me._

 

Yet, something else nagged at him. Something that wasn’t from his Jedi sense but that of a husband. Padmè had just told him what was bothering her, yes. But he felt there was more to it she was letting on. His wife was never the type to think so negatively.

 

She had been through this for two years and she had never cried like this before. There must have been another motivation for it.

 

“Anakin?”

 

“Yes, angel.”

 

_Was this it?_

 

“I’ve got another appointment tomorrow. For a last check-up before I go back to Naboo.” She nestled back into his arms.

 

It was quite clear to him that she wasn’t going to tell him. Whatever else that was making her hurt so terribly was going to be kept a secret.

 

As his wife fell asleep in his arms, Anakin made a resolve. Tomorrow, while she was at her appointment, he would take it into his own hands to find out what was wrong.

 

Even if it meant doing a little snooping.  


	10. Doing the Snooping Thing

Padmè had left for her appointment early the next morning. This time, she had said, the office she needed to go to was further in the interior of Coruscant. She had put on her concealing clothing, the type she wore when she didn’t want to be noticed. Although Anakin didn’t want her going alone, he had admitted defeat. It wasn’t proper for a Jedi to accompany a Senator to a doctor’s appointment anyway.

 

He knew he had a while left before he was needed at the Council. They were going to be discussing boring things such as their current position in the war. At this moment, Anakin could have cared less about the Clone Wars. His number one priority was finding out what was bothering Padmè.

 

Although he wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking for, his intuition had told him their apartment might have the answers he was looking for. Padmè had been house-bound for a while now, so there should be something around.

 

He had started with their room first. He had torn through everything. All he found was a collection of dirty clothes that had gathered since she sent Dorme home.

 

Nothing there.

 

And so the search continued, with Anakin going through everything he could get his hands on. It wasn’t long before quite a substantial mess had gathered through the house.

 

“Threepio can clean it up later,” he muttered, thinking about the droid they had turned off for days now.

 

It was then he realised there was still one place he hadn’t looked. Padmè’s refresher. The one place Anakin avoided at all costs.

 

 

_Of course!_

 

 

If Padmè was hiding something, obviously she would put it in the one place Anakin detested. Taking a deep breath, suddenly Anakin felt a little uneasy. What if what he found in here wasn’t something he wanted to see?

 

Pushing that thought away, he kneeled on the cold, hard floor and began searching through the drawers. A feeling came over him as he rummaged through her personal drawers.

 

 

_Something is in here. I can feel it._

 

 

And then, he came to the last drawer. His heart began to race. The Force was telling him that something important was in this last drawer. Taking a deep breath, he looked through the drawer when something caught his eye.

 

Picking it up, he noticed it looked like the doctor’s file Padmè had shown him. In fact, it was the doctor’s file.

 

Opening it, he noticed that there were more documents in the file than before. Frantically, he began to skim through them to see which ones he hadn’t seen before.

 

 

_What’s wrong with my angel?!_

 

 

He found it. For a moment his heart nearly stopped.

 

 

He sat there, wide-eyed.

 

 

No…it wasn’t possible. They had been so careful.

 

Yet there it was, staring back at him.

 

 

Padmè was pregnant.

 

 

They were going to have a baby!

 

 

Joy and happiness began to course through Anakin’s body as a huge smile spread across his face. They were going to have a baby!

 

_But when, why is she upset?_

 

As his eyes skimmed down the page, he froze. There was the commlink signal to another clinic. One that women only went to when they wanted one thing – and it was in Coruscant.

 

That’s where Padmè had gone.

 

 

As fast as lightning, Anakin stood up and raced out of the room.

 

 

He had to get there in time.

 

His unborn baby’s life depended on it.  


	11. Stop!

 

 

Padmè sat in the waiting area. The feeling of déjà vu came back to her as she remembered doing the same thing only a few days ago. But this time, it was much worse. She felt like a murderer waiting to be put on trial. She wasn’t here for a check-up; she was here to kill her unborn child.

 

 _It’s not a child yet_ , she tried to convince herself.

 

That didn’t make her feel better at all. But she couldn’t allow herself to show any weakness – she had decided on this course of action. It was the only way things could work. Maybe someday in the future, they could have a child. But not now.

 

Now was bad.

 

She began to touch her still flat stomach. It was amazing knowing that something was alive in there. Something both she and Anakin had created. She was already beginning to feel maternal instincts. Many times she had caught herself touching her stomach.

 

She was doing it now. As if her hand had been burnt, she jerked it away. She couldn’t allow herself to get attached now. She was here for a reason. She was here for the best interests of Anakin, herself and even the child.

 

What kind of life could they offer their baby?

 

He or she wouldn’t be allowed to ever stay with their parents. Their father a Jedi; their mother a politician.

 

She couldn’t have the baby all alone – what a scandal indeed!

 

This was the only option. It had to be.

 

She was nervous. Extremely nervous. She wished at least Dorme could have been here. But then again, Dorme couldn’t have known why she was here.

 

She badly wished Anakin could be here with her. She wanted them to do this together, to grieve together. She had such a hard time keeping this terrible secret from him. She was grieving for her loss already, and her poor husband had no idea.

 

_But that’s the way it should be._

 

The nursing droid’s call to a Miss Naberrie promptly snapped her out of her thoughts.

 

It was time.

 

She took a deep breath and followed the droid into the room. It was white and sterile; very fitting for the function it performed. The droid told her the doctor would be with her in a moment. He was just preparing the medical instruments for the procedure. He gave her a standard hospital gown to change into. She changed and lay back on the bed.

 

 

Instruments. Procedure. It all sounded so formal. What she heard was the doctor preparing his weapons to destroy her child.

 

_This is the way it has to be._

 

Suddenly, she heard a commotion going on outside. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. She knew that familiar presence.

 

The door burst open.

 

“Anakin!”

 

**\--**

 

He had found the place with ease. Although it was hidden and secure, he was able to follow his Force connection to his wife. Using his favourite Jedi trick, he was able to convince the people in the front to let him in.

 

And now that he was here, he could see it for himself. There she was, sitting upright on the white bed, clothed in one of those ridiculous hospital gowns. It was true then. She had come here for the procedure.

 

She had a bewildered look on her face. It was tainted with guilt and despair. He could see the grief plainly in her eyes.

 

“Anakin…” she said again. Suddenly, he was angry with her. She had gone behind his back. She had lied to him! She was simply not going to tell him of this…miracle. Instead, she was just going to kill the child. Kill his baby!

 

“Padmè,” he said, the icy tone present in his voice. He couldn’t help it.

 

“W-what are you doing here?” Padmè asked.

 

 

_Oh, no Anakin. I can’t do this now. Please, just leave._

 

 

He glared at her as he slammed the files she had hidden in the refresher down onto the cold, hard table.

 

 

“This is why I’m here Padmè. The same reason you are. Except that I’m not here to watch my baby die”

 

 

He was angry.

 

 

Silence.

 

 

“I-I’m sorry Anakin. I…”

 

 

“You are here to abort your pregnancy, Padmè. You are here to kill the child you and I created together. And you weren’t even going to tell me about it.”

 

 

She didn’t say anything. He was right.

 

 

He charged over to the bed and sat down next to her. He grabbed her shoulders tightly, which frightened her.

 

“You hid this from me, Padmè. I am your husband. This is my child too, dammit!”

 

 

Again, he was right.

 

 

“I thought it was best if you didn’t know,” she whispered in response. The flood of tears returned. The grief, the pain and the guilt all came tumbling back. “I didn’t tell you, Anakin, because of this! Don’t you see?! I didn’t want you to be here when your child was terminated. I didn’t want you to have to make this decision.”

 

“So you made it without me?” he fiercely responded.

 

“Yes, Anakin. I did…I’m doing what’s best for both of us.”

 

 

Suddenly both Padmè and Anakin realised that Anakin was also crying.

 

 

Anakin stood up, trying to hide his obvious hurt.

 

“Padmè, you can’t do that. You can’t do this! You have no right! How in the Force can you think this is the best solution – to kill our child?!”

 

Padmè began to cry harder.

 

“Because it wouldn’t work, Anakin! I can readily leave my politics but can you so readily leave the Jedi Order? You can keep me a secret, Anakin, but you can’t keep a child hidden in the shadows!”

 

 

He stopped. That’s what she thought – that he would choose the Jedi Order over his family?

 

He walked back over to his wife and embraced her. She sobbed harder and harder into his chest and he felt his own tears cascade over his cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry Ani,” she moaned.

 

 

“Shhh,” he comforted. He tilted her head up so their eyes looked into each other. At that moment, Padmè saw her same feelings reflected in her husband’s eyes. She saw the pain; the hurt, and the grief.

 

“I would never, EVER keep my child hidden in the shadows, Padmè. And I would never choose the Order over my family. I know you may think I would have made you choose this path, angel. But I wouldn’t have. You didn’t even give me the chance.”

 

She hiccuped and her crying softened a little.

 

 

“Padmè, I love you. You are my wife. I promised you someday we would leave this life and start new. And if we are going to do that, we can start by having a family.”

 

“You mean…”

 

 

He smiled through the tears that were his wife’s, mingled with his own.

 

 

“Padmè, I want this baby. I want our baby.”

 

 

For the first time in days, Padmè smiled broadly. Through the tears, he could see her happiness. The grief and the pain began to fade away.

 

“Come on, angel. Let’s get out of here.”

 

Padmè nodded in agreement. She quickly changed into her concealing clothes. For now, she didn’t even care that the public might see her and a Jedi walking through Coruscant. She was just too happy.

 

Looking at her husband, she saw how happy he was too. He was practically glowing.

 

Leading her out onto the busy streets of Coruscant, Anakin motioned to his speeder. She got in and allowed her husband to speed off. Now all that was left to do was to celebrate.

 


	12. The beginning (of the end)

**Epilogue: The Beginning (of the end)**

 

As Anakin touched down on Coruscant he smiled as he remembered the last time he had done this. What started as a nervous flutter in his heart had turned into the best news he’d ever heard – Padmè was pregnant.

 

Soon after, he left to go back to the Clone Wars. He had just defeated Dooku and the Clone Wars were nearly officially over. As he exited the ship, he saw Senator Bail Organa standing on the platform. The look on the Senator’s face told him he needed to sort this out then and there. Then straight to Padmè.

 

As Bail talked, Anakin spied a mop of curly brown hair quickly dart behind a pillar. He smiled.

 

_She made it!_

 

Excusing himself from the determined Senator, Anakin snuck around the other side of the pillar and wrapped his arms around his wife.

 

“Excuse me, Senator Amidala. But didn’t anybody ever tell you it’s not proper to eavesdrop on Jedi business?” Padmè playfully punched him in the shoulder.

 

“Didn’t anybody ever tell you, Anakin Skywalker, that it’s rude not to come find your wife immediately when you land?” Laughing, he pulled her into a deep kiss.

 

“I’ve missed you.” Anakin said through the soft kisses his wife was planting on his welcoming lips.

 

Padmè stroked her stomach through her concealing brown cloak. “And we’ve missed you too!” Anakin placed his hand on her stomach. She was just about eight months pregnant now. It wouldn’t be long now before their little family would grow. Anakin was sure it was a girl but Padmè was still adamant that she was carrying a boy. ‘A mother’s instict’ she had called it. Pah.

 

_What about Jedi and fatherly instinct?_

 

Anakin knew it didn’t matter either way. The child she was carrying would be loved either way.

 

“Come on Ani. Let’s go home. We’ll talk there.” He nodded in response.

 

As he bent down to pick up his small luggage, a shiver went up his spine. Something didn’t feel right. Shrugging it off, he followed his wife.

 

In the distance, an old man watched the couple. His suspicions were confirmed. And as he saw the laughing couple get into the speeder parked at the port, an evil grin plastered his face. He had his leverage now.

 

He knew the Skywalker secret. And it was one he would have to keep for now – but not much longer.

 

_Not much longer, indeed._

 


End file.
